I was looking around my office today thinking to myself that soon nothing will ever be the same as it was. I can hardly believe that there is going to be a time in the near future where I won't even be able to get up, let alone sit up, answer the phone, run downstairs to the cafeteria for a snack.
It's starting already. This will be the first year since my son was diagnosed that I will not be able to participate in fundraising for JDRF. I will not be a captain of any team doing any good for anyone. I'm crushed.
And all of this weepy-ness! For someone who never used to cry, I am now down to measuring the days in tears shed--once I start, I just can't seem to stop. And I am not being a big girl about this! Trust me, there is nothing heroic or courageous going on over here, just rising fear and panic and a lot of muscle cramps from treading water.
I am exhausted. The person I used to know; the person I've spent 45 years imperfecting, is slowly disappearing.
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