I smell cigarette smoke.  I smell it almost constantly now and it makes me nauseous and dizzy.  Speaking of which, I decided to faint at one of my doctors' appointments last week and was rushed to the emergency Room (my home away from home).  There I lay for nearly 7 hours filling up bed pans, dry heaving until my throat was raw and praying the light fixture above my bed would fall on me and kill me instantly.  

When I got home from the hospital I felt a little bit better, but still smelled that cigarette smoke!  Next day I wove in and out of consciousness, dozing and waking; feeling fine, then feeling nauseous again.  Yesterday, I decided to take the bull by the horns and go get my nails done, primarily because they were so old that I was afraid the wraps might break my nail off and cause another bloody emergency.  I just barely made it through the manicure, wobbling to my car and cursing my life.  I got home just in time to hurl with such alarming force into the sink that my nose started bleeding...FFFFUUUUCCCCKKKKK!  

Fortunately my son was there to give me the Afrin spray which I squeeze into my nose liberally to try to shrink my capillaries and hopefully stop the bleeding.  It worked.  Thank God because I've decided NO MORE NOSE PACKING!!!  I was sick for the rest of the night. I took a Zofran and the other 18 medications I'm on and went to bed.  Around 1am I woke up and realized I felt much better and then I breathed in......cigarette smoke.  

So here we are today.  I'm feeling better though my mouth is so dry from breathing out of it instead of through my nose in order to avoid the cigarette smoke smell.  I went to the ENT to follow up on the dizziness, nausea and smoke smell today.  Turns out they can do exactly nothing for the cigarette smoke smell.  Phantosmia.  That's what this shitty phenomenon is called and it's due to inflammation and should resolve on its own.  Perfect.  On top of that, the doctor wanted to do a hearing or balance test to try to determine the cause of my dizziness but we couldn't do it because I took a Valium two days ago (for the same dizziness).  In order to do the hearing and balance test I need to NOT take any Valium, antihistamines, sinus medication or Wellbutrin (my anti depressant) for 7 days.  7 days?!!!

I should move into a hotel to spare my family the torture.  By day 7 I may end up in handcuffs.

I was diagnosed with MDS, a rare blood cancer that affects the bone marrow, on June 18th, 2015.  Looking back I wish I had smiled more before all of this started.  I wish I had been able to appreciate the ease with which I was able to push myself physically.  It's kind of like breathing; you don't really notice or appreciate it until you no longer can.

This disease is extremely complex and spawns all kinds of weird, fucked up, side issues and effects. I am learning a lot about myself and have been supremely disappointed at what I found.